I thought I was doing okay, but I'm actually not. As I said many times before, I hate growing up. I hate going through puberty. I hate being a teenager. I want to be a little kid again, free and happy. I don't have to worry about my future, don't have to worry about anything.
I feel like quitting music. Smash my violin, smash my piano. If I want to continue, just with percussions. Hitting things is a good way to release my stress. If you ask me what kind of stress I'm facing, I can't tell you. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't even know what I'm facing.
Quitting music narrows down my path for my future. Anyways music was never my first aim. It was like second or third. I want to continue with my first aim, but I can't. How could I? The good teachers left. The class ended. No one from the same level as me wants to continue that class. There's no way I could attend the class myself. Difficult for me, difficult for the teacher, difficult for the class to go on. No teamwork, no nothing.
I want to quit. I know I will regret it later, but I feel that I don't have a target to go on. I just feel like wasting my time.
I feel like going to school. I know it's weird, but in school you just study. Study study study. Whereas at home, you're exposed to computers and TVs and sooner or later I will thinking about what's going to happen next, which will make me frustrated.
I don't want to go through that depressed period again like I did in form 2. A stupid year that is. I want to enjoy my final 2 school years. I must. I just don't know how.
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