Growing up...

Hey Harty, I'm here again~

Day by day, the time passes so fast..It's just like yesterday was the day I was in standard 6. I remember that time quite well, can consider my best year in my primary school life. We were having so much fun, especially after UPSR. That time, everything seems wonderful to me. And I do really mean EVERYTHING. Holidays, sports, playing around, goofing around..

So as I was saying, time passes so darn fast. I barely have time to stop and smell the roses. Well, maybe I have, but it's either I haven't got the time to enjoy the fragrance of the roses or I missed that chance to do so. This is what I regret terribly.

For example, last year before Emily moved back to Australia, she and teacher Lily nagged me to go for orchestra. I kept turning them down until one day, the middle of last year, I finally decided to join them. Turns out that I really had fun, TONS of fun there. If I joined earlier, I could spend more time with my "wife" there and have more fun fun fun.

That goes the same to choir. Before that, I kept skipping choir class. I only went for drama because to me drama was more fun and had more "actions", plus we were working on our Saxon Musical. But, because I always skipped choir, I missed a lot of voice practice, which made my solo part stink. Besides that, now I missed choir class with teacher Annie. If I went for classes earlier, I might learn more from her before she went to research for her Masters.

Last week, My mom and I brought my three cousins to Mid Valley, and they wanted to go to MegaKidz. When we went inside, all my memories just shot back at me, like how I used to go there with Shermayne, Shaun, Sherman and Sheryl with their maids. Those were the days that I was always looking forward. I had so much fun there, always racing to the highest slide, always jumping in the balloon pit, always wasting my money on sand art. I remember there was a time that I played so much I spent the whole day later lying around in my house because my whole body hurts so much. Then that day when we brought my cousins there, they wanted me to go climb with them. I felt quite weird, as all the kids that were climbing around were so little. I felt old that instant. When I reached the top, my head felt dizzy. When we came down, I felt like the whole world is spinning ten times faster. Later I told my mom, I felt really really old. I seemed like I don't have the energy to do all those things anymore, and slides make my head spin. All my mind was thinking was "awwww man.."

Then whenever I go to my neighbour's house to play with the little kids, the two of them can wear me out in just 5 minutes. Although my legs are longer, and I run faster and easier than them, they still can win me. *sigh*

All I can say now is, I hate growing up. I don't want to miss out the fun, which I can't have at this age. What will people think when I go up the slide in the playground? Well, let's just say I don't care what people think, but my butt will surely stuck on the slide. How embarassing could that be? I miss being a little kid. I want to go back in time.

I've got you a name!

Hey hey~~
Seems like I've been visiting you very often nowadays.. Maybe I should give you a name..but what..?
For the time being, let's call you...Harty.. It can mean Hearty or Hati, which most of all means I'm talking to my heart..

Sorry, it may not be a good name, but I can't think of other names. So from now on, you're Harty.

Harty, now I noticed that, I'm not the only that visits you. Turns out that my parents and friends actually visit you once in a while. So you know what this means? I must be careful of what I say.

I'm in taiping now, and guess what? I'm going online in my aunt's house! First time, though. I'm only staying here for 3 nights, and I think I won't have any free time being here. I came here to EAT EAT EAT, SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP, SEW SEW SEW, READ READ READ. So I think there won't be any extra time for me to feel boring.

And you know what? Lately I'm so interested in reading novels! More than comics, can you believe that? But, my novels are still for teen readers, so most of my novels are written by Meg Cabot. I seem to like her books, especially the Mediator. I went to the book fest on thursday that day, hopefully to buy more books. But turns out that there were only a few books by Meg Cabot. So, I "sapu" what left there. You also won't believe how many Archie Comics there are there. When I saw it, my jaw dropped onto the floor, maybe even a few flies went inside it and I didn't notice. There were so many of them, AND ONLY RM5.90 EACH!! Plus, BUY 3 FOR THE PRICE OF 2!!! Of course, we bought 12 books. It's a really great bargain! Usually I bought 1 for RM11.90. Haha, I was soooooo damned happy!

Harty, I think were going bankrupt. You know why? Cause on that book fest, we spent RM300+ there. Then before that, I used a lot of money on a lot of things, food,clothes, blah blah blah...

And now, I have to buy MacBook. Money really is flowing away now. I try to stop spending so much, but seems like there are really a lot of things that I need to buy. *sighh*

Oh, I broke my record, by the way. I read a total of 6 books since Monday! And FYI, not comics. Novels. NOVELS!! With a capital "N"! I couldn't stop reading. Once I've finish one, I just go find another book to read. Oh man, how I wish I could do this with my school text books..

Reading actually is really fun. I feel like I'm the director, Harty.. The movie is projecting in my head,like I told you before. I can choose which actor/actress to be in my movie. Weird thing is, After reading Twilight, I wished I was a vampire (don't laugh). After reading Mediator, I wished I can see ghosts. After reading 1-800-WHERE-R-U, I wished I was struck by lightning. I know, WEIRD. But, anyone can dream right? Might as well dream some irregular dreams, after all, dreams ARE dreams, it doesn't have to come true, right?

So, Harty, I'm still in Taiping now. I've finished my friends' handphone bags and pencil case. I can't wait to give them on Tuesday. But, they aren't perfect. The bags, I mean. But, I really tried hard to make them. I hope my friends like it.

I feel weird. I feel weird giving you a name. Suddenly it seems like my writing style has changed. Like it's not ME writing these stuff. Maybe it's my heart. I'm just pouring out whatever my heart's thinking. Holiday's ending, school's restarting. Time passes so fast when you're having a blast. So, I gotta go. Bye~

Hello trouble..

I met "someone", named Trouble. Trouble has been visiting me for years, now he annoys me everyday.

I want to say goodbye forever to him, but it's harder than I thought. You can't just ignore him and hope he leaves. No, this way, he'll haunt me more and more. I thought I had seen the last of him after I go into form 3, but now, he's paying me an unforgettable and unfavorable visit.

I hate you, Trouble. You make every human being feel depressed and sad. Couldn't you go extinct like the dinosaurs? The world would be a better place if you're not hear.

You're silent, but deadly.

It's Official..

Well, the MOMENT i've been waiting for is finally here. I've been accepted into Cempaka.

But...Why am I not happy..?

Erm..before I continue, Mom and dad, if you're reading this, don't continue, close this window RIGHT NOW..

OK..continue..Don't ask me. I don't even know it myself, how on earth am I suppose to answer you? Yes, I've been dreaming to go to Cempaka since last year, I've been dreaming to be part of it, but..I DON'T KNOW!!!

If you see these capitalized words, don't you think that I'm joking, 'cause I assure you, I'm damned serious right now.


Somehow, I still don't have the guts to tell Fang, Dy and Pei..What's wrong with me? They're my best friends, how come I can't get those words out of my mouth? But, maybe because they're my best friends, that's why I don't dare to tell them..But it makes no sense..

I feel special in my current school, because not many people knows how to play musical instruments, well, many people knows, but only a few people knows to play violin. I like to think that I'm special this way. But when I transfer to Cempaka, well...let's say the opposite. Everybody's perfect at something, whether it's academic, sports or whatever it is. The competition there is, well, like hundreds of lions fighting for a small piece of meat. I'm worried that, when I study there, I will be stressed out and cause my parents to worry over me like they used to last year.

Then, before all these happy things happen in my current school, I wanted to transfer so badly. I promised my parents that I will be happy there. What if I can't keep my promise? What if i have a nervous breakdown. What if, what if, what if..*$%^#!!

*sigh*..

OK, Let's talk about something else. Something happy for a change...

Lately, I've been obsessed with a series of novels. And no, it's not Twilight. It's "The Mediator" by Meg Cabot. I've read all 6 books in less than a week, and I keep reading it over and over again. It's about a girl named Suze, who can see and touch ghosts. After she moves to California with her mom and stepfather, she found out that she has a "special" room mate, Jesse. And according to the book, Jesse was killed in that room 150 years ago and "totally hot". The story goes on about how Jesse help Suze take care of ghosts to another world, then Suze fell in love with Jesse but, as you know, it's impossible for them to go on like that. One's a human and one's a ghost. Then Suze realizes she can travel back time and she stops Jesse from being murdered. But if she does so, she will never meet Jesse. Then when she tried to stop Jesse from being killed, there was a fire. Jesse risked his life to save Suze, even though he doesn't know her very well, Suze accidentally brought back Jesse's body to the 21st century. The ghost of Jesse then goes into the the body of Jesse and, well, he lives again, and they all live happily ever after.

Nice book, actually. Maybe for me. I like these type of books. It makes me feel like I'm the director of the movie and I'm projecting the movie in my brain. Exercises the brain a lot. Just like Twilight. I read the book before I watch the movie, so it's like I have my own movie inside me. And then, I can imagine how the characters in the movie look like, if we watch the movie only, the handsome ones may not be handsome to us. So, when I read the book, I imagine my characters very detailed. I love it..LOL..

Ending with a happy moment, that's all for now..Bye~

What Should I Do??

A few of my friends know what I might do next year...I don't dare to tell fang, dy, pei and kei..I duno why...Just, scared..

1st of August..I went for the exam already. It was really really really damn hard. I also have to go for an interview by the senior principal. Very stress when being interviewed, because have to speak proper english, have to mind my language, grammar and attitude..

I keep thinking..If i really transfer, will I fit in? That school cannot speak chinese, which maybe will cause my chinese to stink badly. The fees in that school is also very very high as the sky. One uniform also RM200+. That school is also a private school. If i really don't like it there, how am I going to transfer out again?

Last time i wanted to go in because of the activities. Then, now i know, joining those activities must go through auditions and more, which means I may not get into the activity. If i really couldn't get in, then why i study there for? What the heck am I doing there?

Because to escape from the responsibilities next year? To escape from the stupid school? But i don't want to escape from my friends. They've made my school year happy and meaningful. Finally i did not feel that i'm a stranger in my class. My friends know how crazy I am to Lee Hom, so when I hear his songs or his name or even his news, I'd freak out and not care about anything else. If i were in THAT school..IF i really lost control of myself..what would people think of me? "Oh there's that freak who is crazy about that asian guy~"..will they say these kind of things?

But looking at the surrounding of that school, urges me to transfer school. The thought of complete equipments like lockers, tables, chair WHICH are not vandalised makes me drool about that school. The wide beautiful field, the unpolluted school grounds, the courts and the halls...even the swimming pool...I think i might regret if I couldn't transfer next year.

But will I regret IF i transfer? No more friends who speak broken english (yes, I'm talking about you la, WUAN DI), no more friends like Wen lee who cares about you every moment, no more friends like Ying Fang, Mindy and Yi Pei that goes crazy with you in class and argues about the stupidest things and making up funny words about some teacher or students, no more friends like Chui Kien, Sue Yee and Wee Kei that are funny in their own ways and gets crazy when they feel like it, no more friends like the 3H boys who lights up the whole class..

Maybe i won't get in the school..because i'm not up to the standard.. I don't know yet. I hope i get accepted then THAT time I could consider, should I stay or should I go..No matter what, 3 Harmoni is the best class of all.....Thank you guys...

*sigh* What am I thinking

*sigh*..Exams this year..PMR and Violin..How can I get through these?

My PMR results are going to judge whether I'm transferring school or not. I really want to transfer to Cempaka cause I think the facilities there are better and there's an Orchestra there! Plus, I can start all over again, not getting involved into too many activities. The cocurriculum activities there are so cool!! And according to my friend, the view of the school is FANTASTIC!!

But then, my grades are really sinking. From a solid A to an unstable C which will drop to D. During these trial exams, i hesitated when answering the questions. The reason I get high marks is because of the tips teachers gave. But in the PMR, there won't be any TIPS!! I dont think i can pass some subjects, let alone get As.

And the thing is, I seem to can't concentrate to study, no matter in school or at home. I dunno what's happening to me. I'm also neglecting my homework a lot. I never seem to have to urge to finish my homework or do revision. I'm worried about my exams, but I can't study. I'm not motivated.

And then, at first I was really hating SMKBBSP. But now, seemed like our class is so DAMN friendly!! Plus, my classmates are always making up jokes which will cheer anyone up. The stories in our class are hilarious. This makes me to have second thoughts about transferring to another school. Will I have such friendly classmates? Will they accept me? Will I fit in? Will they ignore me and treat me like a weirdo? These are the questions that keep haunting me.

But then again, if I stayed in SMKBBSP, I might have lots of pressure. Among teachers, students, duties..I really don't know what to do, what to think. Only 2 persons in school knows that I might transfer to another school next year. I can't discuss this with them cause I dont think they will understand what I'm going through here.

I really feel pissed. Sometimes, I hope that a star will fall from the sky and help me solve all my problems.

Arguements, Acts, Flirtings...When will it stop..?

I have a friend. Let's call my friend "A".

I owe "A" a lot. Why? Because she was right beside me when i needed help. At one time, all my friends bailed out on me, except her. She was a shoulder for me to cry on, the pillar of my overweight roof. She helped me out a lot. She's my best friend. I've knew her since we were little.

I have another friend. Let's call my other friend "B".

Well, "B" isn't much of a good friend to me. As I said, ALL friends bailed out on me (except "A"), and "B" was one of them. She back-stabbed me. Well, not only me she back-stabbed. She back-stabbed a lot of friends, "A" was one of them. "B" has an annoying attitude. "B" complains about everything and frustrate about things that doesn't have to be frustrated. "B" keeps saying that nobody pays attention to her. I always act quietly when "B" says that, but in my heart, I'm shouting :"WHAT ABOUT ME? I WAS THE LAST ONE TO GET ALL INFORMATION!!" But anyways, "B" is still my friend, just not that good a friend.

Lately, "B" hates "A" a lot. "B" says that "A" is just trying to get boys' attention. To me, "B" expects me to side her. "B" always complain about "A", which makes me dislike "B" more and more. "B" is acting very very strange, just to get a few boys' attention. "B" is somewhat a hypocrite.

What I hate most about "B" is, that when she's not happy about you, she'll say it out in front of my friends. She'll make it sound like she's kind and doing nothing wrong, but the meaning she's saying is insulting me in the most embarrassing way.

"A" plays with boys all the time, since the day we've met. When she does, she looks natural, just like kids. But when "B" plays with boys, it looks really fraud. I dunno, when "B" plays with boys, the way she smile and laugh was a bit fraud, like she's flirting with boys. And the way "B" hits them, she smiles so happily and looks at the person she had a crush on, like, hoping the guy will get jealous.

"B" has changed a lot this year. She's like, faking depression in front of "some people"....

But then..she's my friend..I'll have to accept the way she is, not disappointing both of them...

Hope we will be friends till the end, A and B...